I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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