don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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