I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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