i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
