I hate your face
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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