Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
