i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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