Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
