I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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