when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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