i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
