Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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