Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Shame - the story of my life.
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