i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
