i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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