i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
