i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
