every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
