He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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