is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
FUCK WHALES
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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