the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
