I am puke
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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