Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
