At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
