I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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