I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
