Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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