No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
