im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
