I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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