Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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