Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
