Me too!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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