my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Couch. On fire.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
