K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
