they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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