Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
His hands were made for my vagina.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
