Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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