It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and she was petting her beer can
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
