And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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