Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
