You're so nebulous sometimes
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
