After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i used baking grease as lip gloss
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
