he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
