Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
