i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
