haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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