Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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