A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
