I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
