haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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