Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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