omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
