is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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