Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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