similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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