I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
