Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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