Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
