It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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