My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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