Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
