Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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