can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need a beard to bite.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
