i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
