i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
