I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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