she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
