So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
