i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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