And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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