i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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