I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Shame - the story of my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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