I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
