I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
