I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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