I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
